Same Same, But Different

 The term “saving face” is used often in the Eastern world, as it is said to describe many Asian countries.  Conflict is not dealt with.  Harmony over truth often prevails so both sides can win.  It seems wrong and frustrating and us Westerners point our wiggling finger at those who choose to save face and we can’t seem to understand the good of it.

While working in Cambodia, the idea of saving face interrupts my daily life frequently.  It drives me crazy.  A quick visit across the ocean does you no good to see the depth as to which it exists, but living here and dealing with it in a work setting will make you want to pull your hair out. 

When I think of my Western upbringing and the many cultural traits we are taught through our environments, I face the frustrating issues of entitlement and pride. 

Pride has become my own personal buzz word the past few years, mainly because I truly believe the Lord was choosing to reveal things to me that I had never seen before: about myself and others.  Each time of prayer I was asking God to beat the pride out of me and often the answers to prayers such as that come with very ugly, yet necessary responses.  I was also asking God to give me wisdom in situations, specifically when dealing with others.

Pride is a toxic disease that eats us from the inside out and distorts our definition of truth.  It makes us believe things that are not true: about others and ourselves.  It twists and perverts even the Gospel.  It can make us be dishonest and encourage us to not be vulnerable with those who we love the most. 

And you know what else it does? 

It makes us save face.

We walk into church with our pretty little outfits and shiny shoes hoping to look put together when our hearts are crumbling inside.

We drive nice cars to convince everyone else we have money.

We lie and cover up personal situations because we want everyone else to think our family is whole and complete and not dysfunctional.

We overspend and rack up our credit card bills to buy the things that we think will make us happy and fill a hole in our heart, when in reality there is a much deeper root we should be dealing with. 

We gossip and slander others because we are jealous or choose not to empathize with them in their difficulties because don’t they know?  “Others have it worse than them.”  That would just be too much work.  And who wants to make that change? 

We save face. Every. Day.

Call it what you may, but the East and West are both desiring the same outcome: I don't want you to really know the truth. 

But what about those who choose to be vulnerable… and honest… and transparent?  What about those who share their personal pains and burdens and attempt not to save face?  What about those who are choosing to overcome the fear of worrying about whether or not others think they have it all together? 

What do you do with that?

You listen.  You keep your mouth shut.  You don’t judge.  And you humble yourself to allow God to give you the discernment you need to say the right things-under His authority.  If we want to destroy pride and saving face here on this earth, then we must do the part of allowing others to be honest about their difficulties without throwing them under the bus.  We become the true church community and carry each other's burdens.  We weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. No wonder people choose to save face all the time, because we never give them the opportunity to be real.

Don’t ask me to share my deepest darkest secrets with you if you intend on bashing me to others.  We have to choose vulnerability and empathy over pride.   May I repeat something we have heard so many times: Pride comes before a fall.

Watch your step.

Shapes and Sizes

I have about four months left in Cambodia before I move on to the next chapter in my life… as to which at the moment I have no idea what that is.  But I’m not worried.

What I am worried about is that I believe I will feel like an alien in my own land. 

One of my PCL colleagues says you come to a foreign land as a circle… in a land of squares.  You never quite fit.  You don’t understand their cultural ways but you make it work and get by.  You might even become a messy blob for a while and then eventually you start to make shape again. 

And then, before you know it, your shape has morphed and you are a functional blend between the two worlds.  You have now become a triangle.  You are no longer fully an American “circle” but definitely not a full Cambodian “square” either.   You are a new shape.  You look different and the purpose you serve is different.

But I might forever be a triangle.  And I will return back to my very circle America and still be a triangle.  So I won’t fit there either.  I can never rid myself of my new shape nor do I think I actually should.  It was a lot of bending and reshaping and down right painful changing that led me to become this new triangle.

I envision my little triangle self, trying to fit in with all of the circles.  I envision the pain and the misunderstanding and the confusion that might come about in different situations.  I don’t get them… and they don’t get me.  The circles will want me to become a circle again and I just can’t do it.  I won’t know how.

And you know what… I grieve this.  I sit here with deep pain in the fact that I may not understand everyone anymore, and even more disheartening, that no one will understand me.  I don’t mean that in an arrogant way, but in a rather bluntly honest way.  I fear loneliness will overtake my new little triangle heart.

 For the next four months, my prayer is that grace, mercy, love, compassion and understanding will be like a river out of my mouth.  And might I also pray that it will be given to me in return when others become frustrated with my new ideas or explanations.   May we offer it to one another in return because truthfully, we are all on this journey together but we have each taken paths.  A righteous path is headed towards Christ but the way in which we have navigated it can be quite different.

If I cannot venture on this journey with my fellow loved ones, those who know the Lord and those who do not, then I am no Christ follower at all.  I am just a selfish, arrogant, prideful human who believes the navigation of my path to righteousness is the only way to go. 

So here’s to you… all of you circles, squares, and triangles.  Lets walk the path together.  We may look different, but we’re all just a bunch of funky shapes serving a purpose only we can serve.  

Book Review: Part II

Second set of books I've chosen to review:

1. Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne

At first, I didn't care for this book.  I almost stopped reading it.  And then something just clicked and I finished the last half in one day.  Shane is considered highly radical and is not doubt liberal in his views on politics and Christianity.  I love his stories about his community and even though I do not agree with all of his opinion and ideas, I like that he challenges me in a different way.

A few of my favorite quotes from the book:

"... deep down we trust that only the power of the state and its militaries and markets can really make a difference in the world.  And so we're hardly able to distinguish what's American and what's Christian."

"One of the results of the birth of the church at Pentecost was that the church ended poverty:  "and there were no needy persons among them."  The community itself became good news to the poor.  They lived near one another, sharing a common rule of life, daily sharing worship and friendship.  They, as their hearts became softened to the love of God, enacted "release to the captive" and "freedom of the prisoner," slowly dissolving the structures of oppression within their households.  To a world gone blind from " an eye for an eye," they gave sight, living out Jesus' teachings on enemy-love."

"Christianity is at its best when it is peculiar, marginalized, suffering, and it is at its worst when it is popular, credible, triumphal, and powerful."  

Whew!  Shane will knock you straight on your face!

2. The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart

It is no secret that I love young adult literature, especially series.  I blame that on teaching middle school Language Arts for almost 7 years.  I was looking for a new one and stumbled upon this book as I was sitting in a bookstore killing time in Bangkok, Thailand.

I have only read the first one and it was super cute!  It wasn't nearly as grand as Harry Potter (yes, I know.  I'm not going to hell because of HP.) or the Hunger Games, but it was creative.

An intelligent man named Mr. Benedict goes on a search for children, specific kinds at that, who create this "society" to investigate an evil leader and his works.  They eventually become spies in a school to unravel this man's plan.  The characters are clever and different, all the while learning a lot about themselves.

3. The Lotus and the Cross by Ravi Zacharias

This was the first of Ravi Zacharias's books that I have read and I definitely want to read more of his writings.  He poses a conversation with Jesus and Buddha in this book.  It caught my eye because I live in a country that is 97% Buddhist and anything I can do to learn more about this religion and the people is helpful to me.

Of course, this book receives grand reviews... as well as highly negative reviews.  Some critiques say that it makes Jesus look arrogant... while others felt it was quite realistic.  Some scholars (particularly Buddhists) draw parallels between Buddha and Jesus, even calling them "brothers."  In regards to the name of the book, the Cross is a symbol for Christianity as the Lotus flower is the symbol for Buddhism.

The book's setting is in a boat, where Jesus and Buddha have a conversation with a prostitute named Priya.  There are MANY quotes I could share, but I remember a portion of the book where Buddha explains Kharma... and how basically the prostitute is where she is now because of her previous life.  She deserves the life she has now and "kharma" is giving her what she deserves.  YIKES!  So opposite of the Gospel.  Jesus has carried that burden for us and has washed us clean!  He was beaten, killed and visited Hell on our behalf so that we DO NOT get what we actually deserve.  Whew.... I could preach!

4. The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

This was a fun little book!  I am, unashamedly, a late bloomer to the world of famous literary works.  I dunno... clearly I was being too social in High School and not paying attention to art or history or the WORLD for that matter.  Anywho-gotta grow up sometime, right?

This is a cute little play on words... and names... and confusion with people who aren't being completely honest and enjoy living double lives.  In the end, the truth all comes out, even if it does damage a few relationships.

And as far as Oscar Wilde goes... hmmmm... I learned about him too.  He lived by the motto of "if it feels good, do it."  That explains a few things.

5. The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy 

This is a total self-help book, which I don't usually love but my mom's boss recommended it and loved it.

I read it fast and did actually learn from it.  This might sound odd, but it inspired me the most in regards to my most recent "getting healthy/weight loss" journey.

I loved how he talks about momentum and that when you gain it, you really start seeing differences in the specific area you are targeting... whether that's your job, finances, school or... losing weight!  It encouraged me to keep pressing through even on the days when I DREAD being active and trusting that momentum will play its course in helping me with this.  And it has!

There ya go!  More books to come!  I am currently reading all of The Chronicles of Narnia and attempting to finish that darn Bonhoeffer book.  Soon my friends.  Soon!

Book reviews are back! Part I

Kids, it's time to get those critical juices flowing and give you a little feedback on some books I have read within the past 6 or 7 months.  Here we go...

1. Life is Harder Than We Thought by Bill Isaacs

I wanted to read this book because I know the author and his family.  I know the  outward, public story of Bill's wife's journey with cancer and I attended her viewing.  I grew up with his sons and I knew this book would become personal to me.

Although it's a heart-wrenching story of Kathy's passing due to colon cancer, I still enjoyed Bill's take on things and his overall positive, Jesus focused attitude.  A few quotes that stuck with me:

"Knowing "why" is not like to change anything you are presently going through."  

"In fact, waiting is a form of worship unto God-a surrender of my impulsive "have it my way" attitude to His larger "I know what I am going to do in you" ability.  

"Grief is real and it hurts but it is not who I am-rather it is what I'm going through.  There is a difference... there is a vast difference between the two.  In the former, my pain identifies me and in my latter, my identity remains but my circumstances are changed."

This last quote has stuck with me the most.  We can not let "unidentifiable" things actually become our identity.  Our identity is in Christ.  We make mistakes, we suffer, we do certain things... but may we always be aware to claim our identity in Him AND.... do the same for others.  He is what makes us whole and fills the cracks of our lives in pain, wrong-going and suffering.  

2.  Humanitarian Jesus by Christian Buckley and Ryan Dobson

Interesting book.  The majority of this book is filled with interviews of people who have started and are running powerful humanitarian organizations.  Of course, working now for an NGO, I really was curious to hear these thoughts.  It really opened my eyes to many different viewpoints.  I appreciate how the authors just asked the questions and took any and all answers for the book.  There are some conservatives and liberals alike interviewed in this book.  A few of my favorite quotes:

"Evangelism is allowing Christ to so live in and through us that who we are, what we do, and what we say become the very expression of who He is, what He did, and what He said."  

"Love is carving off bits of yourself and handing them to someone who has no power to repay.  Love is having no ledgers, no sense of self, no desire for glory.  Love is taking one step more than you think you can, because the person you are serving can't take steps toward you."  

"One becomes a Christian and will be accepted into the kingdom in terms of his or her relationships with Jesus Christ.  But once you fall in love with God, you will fall in love with your neighbor.  If you're not in love with your neighbor, that's an evidence that you're not in love with God."

"You can't minister to dead people.  You can't do health care to dead people.  You can't educate dead people.  You've got to have them alive first."  The first thing is to bring physical life.  It is true that if you just bring the water without the message, you just extend their physical life.  It's not a matter of either-or with us.  It's both-and in every case.  It's not a choice."

These are quotes from different interviewees but wow!  Whew!  These few words make me want to get up and shout!  This book will challenge your thought process for sure.

3. Life of Pi by Yann Martel

Somehow, this book did hold my attention even though the kid is stuck on a raft most of the time.  Pi Patel's ship is wrecked and he ends up on a life raft with a few animals-most interesting a very large Bengal tiger.  The story is nicely detailed and the inner conversation Pi has with himself is entertaining and at times terribly sad.  The ending does throw you for a loop and leaves you partially wondering what is the real truth, but nevertheless, I enjoyed the book.

As usual, I preferred the book over the movie.





4. Mudhouse Sabbath by Lauren Winner

Wow!  This book was surprisingly fascinating.  Ms Winner is a Jew turned Christian and she gracefully tells of the Jewish practices she once did.  But, in return, she shares about their importance and at times how she believes Christianity could use some of these practices.

I learned a lot because I was rather clueless on Jewish traditions and she explains them all so well.  A few of my favorite quotes:

"Practicing the spiritual disciplines does not make us Christians.  Instead, the practicing teaches us what it means to live as Christians.  (There is an etymological clue here-discipline is related to the word disciple.)  The ancient disciplines form us to respond to God, over and over always, in gratitude, in obedience, and in faith."  

"Fasting is not meant to drag us down, but to still us.  It is not meant to distract us from the really real, but rather to silence us so that we can hear things as they most truly are."  

5.  In The Shadow of the Banyan by Vaddey Ratner

This is a newly released piece of history written by Vaddey Ratner, a woman who survived the Khmer Rouge war in Cambodia as a little girl.  After the war, she fled to the USA where she has lived most of her life and is now able to share her story of this gruesome time.

I read this book slowly, mainly because any book about the Khmer Rouge is difficult for me to read, especially since I live in this country now.  I loved that when she spoke of certain cities I have been to that I could smell and hear the details she shared and understand the accents and imagine the orange, Buddhist monks.

Although the story itself is not full of gory details, the book can feel dark as you somewhat experience the oppression as you read through this.  For you history buffs or those who love different cultures, here's your read.

Part II Coming soon!

What's been going on

I believe the Lord sent me a gift of cooler weather tonight here in Siem Reap.  I've been feeling particularly homesick for some reason the past few days, but tonight actually felt like a normal night at home.  I even bought some clothes, which almost never happens here (because nothing fits me) and had dinner and ice cream with some American and Khmer friends.  I pray we continue to have cooler days!  We were greeted with a power outage once we arrived home, but it was short lived.

About 2 weeks ago I was struck down with major sickness.  I can't remember the last time I was this sick, but it was a viral infection of some sort and I was hounding my sister everyday giving her new symptoms and asking for medical advice.  Whew.  It was rouuuuugh.  I would walk to the kitchen and be so tired that I would have to take a 3 hour nap!  I haven't fully regained my appetite yet and still have itchy hands and feet (who knew having a rash was normal?) but I'm slowly improving.  It lasted almost 8 days.  ugh.  I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.  And of course, one becomes a little more concerned when you are living in SE Asia where Dengue Fever and Typhoid are all possibilities.  

Cambodia will be having its elections next Sunday, the 28th, and it's a really, really big deal this year.  I will spare you all of the details, but google "Sam Rainsy" and you will learn all about how he was exiled from Cambodia and just arrived in the country yesterday to serve as the opposition towards the standing party and prime minister.  It's rather monumental and thousands greeted him at the airport in Phnom Penh yesterday.  The Cambodian government has been pushed to have fair elections by many large, power house countries: Including the US.  I don't know if the Western news is covering it at all, but I am curious to see how it turns out.  We pray no violence occurs. 

I'm due for a book rating blog, that's for sure.  I've blown threw some books recently, here's to name a few: Humanitarian Jesus, What Good is God?, Jesus for President, The Mysterious Benedict Society, The Magicians Nephew, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, and The Lotus and the Cross.  I am currently hoping to finish the entire Mysterious Benedict Society series and The Chronicles of Narnia.  And I've also been stuck on Metaxas' Bonhoeffer book foreeeeeever.  It's good, but I'm creepin' through it.  

Lookin' forward to my sisters visiting in about a month and thrilled to be taking a small trip to Vietnam in October!  Yay for travel!

3 Reasons Why You Should Support Missionaries

There are a multitude of "reasons" that fit into this category but I wanted to share what seem to me to be the 3 most important. 

1-It requires you to exercise your faith in Christ.

By giving money to someone overseas, you are more than likely “giving up” something within your own budget.  Whether that is entertainment or a few less take out meals, you are choosing to give it towards someone else.  You lose a comfort or two, which might even be a friendly reminder of the comforts your chosen missionary has given up as well.  This isn’t for you to feel guilty, but for you to feel connected to something and someone much bigger. 

These are the times when you leave room for God to do something grand.  You choose to say, “This is not my money.  The Lord will do with it whatever HE pleases.”  And all of a sudden, BIG stuff starts happening!  It might be 20 or 30 dollars… or maybe it’s a hundred or two.  But either way, there is faith in the decision and that is often when we see how miraculous He really can be in our lives and others. We don't know what He will do with it, but we know He's big enough to make it work.  

2-It creates great humility within the chosen missionary.

Humility is always a good thing.  We could all use a double dose of it.  Whoever is receiving your money knows that it was a God thing that it even happened in the first place.  To pay your bills and plan your food with other people’s donations is great reliance on the Lord.  To not feel guilty… and to not feel the need to pressure others for more money… it’s all a reminder of how faithful the Almighty is and a sign that He is really the one in control, not us. 

After a year and a half of living off support, I am amazed, overwhelmed, thankful, and mostly humbled by accepting the fact that others believe in me enough to give me money to live on.  And, they trust I will be a good steward with it.  

3-The ripple effect of your giving is beyond your imagination. 

You supporting a missionary means they can do their job well.  And whatever they might be sharing or teaching, it will go into the ears and hearts of others on the other side of the world.  Then, they will share that news… and pass it on to their families and children… and generations to come are affected because you chose to be obedient!  Yes, missionaries have to use your money to buy the not fun stuff like toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant, medicines... well... you get the idea.  Missionaries need to live.  And not just barely live, but live well and be healthy.

I am just a small example of this, but I can’t help but wonder if the few us with PCL weren’t here… what would and wouldn’t happen?  These kids wouldn’t know the Word.  They wouldn’t know English.  Many of them could be on the streets.  Many of them would have been sex-trafficked.  The Common Grounds staff might not have jobs.  People wouldn’t have found medical help.  And the list goes on and on.  AND-that’s just one organization.  Imagine ALL the work that every organization is putting forth in countries all over the globe.  It’s truly massive.

The ripple effect for years and generations to come is beyond our comprehension, yet we must admit and grasp that it is huge therefore we must be obedient. 

*I write this NOT for personal gain, because honestly, I am covered financially until the end of my time here… BUT, I do want to encourage you to consider giving to someone overseas and maybe even seek someone out specifically. 

 Not only will it change you, but it will impact the hearts of others in a deeper way than that brand new pair of shoes would.  

Thank you to everyone who supports me financially!  You are a true GIFT!

The One and Only

PCL has been active in Cambodia now for almost 12 years.  People have come and gone... lives have been affected... and souls have been changed.

I want to introduce you to one of those shining stars- Chheang Hai (pronounced Chang High).

I first met Chheang Hai when I visited Siem Reap in 2011.  He was a server at Common Grounds with a particular knack for English and a desire to connect with people.  He is a quick favorite when foreigners visit because he has a fantastic sense of humor and glowing personality.  A visiting team quickly taught him a joke about asking American girls where they are from... and often the reply was Tennessee... and he would say, "You're the only 10 I see!"  HA!  He had no clue what it meant, but it made people laugh and that's all he cared about!

Chheang Hai is no longer at Common Grounds as he has moved on and been sponsored to attend Paul DuBrule tourism school where he is studying hospitality and tourism-a clear choice for him.  He still visits Common Grounds in his very snazzy uniform and attends church on Sundays.  I truly believe Chheang Hai has experienced great change while he has been connected with PCL and I can see the sparkle in his eye now as he grows to be more confident.

This past Sunday we took a day trip to Battambang and I captured some great shots of Chheang Hai.  As you can see, his smile is captivating!  Also, after we rode home in the back of the truck... for 3 hours... I stood up when we arrived and he looked at me and said, "Abby, your hair is the style of the tree."  hahahahah... he was sooo right!  My hair was a hot mess and I'm so glad he made a joke about it!  He is one of the warmest Cambodians I have ever met and I truly treasure his friendship.

Even in Battambang, Chheang Hai saw an old friend.  This little dude visited Common Grounds often and made a quick friend with Chheang Hai.

Giving Mom Julie a hand massage... with sunglasses on, of course!

Many of you have visited and remember Chheang Hai.  If you have a funny or pleasant story about him, please share as a comment.  He is such a jewel!

I think I'll take a moment, celebrate my age.

Ahhhhh... visiting my blog is good for my soul today.  No rhyme or reason for this one, but just a few updates on Cambodia.  I often feel that you, my readers, will get bored with my Asian Adventures and I have to dig for other topics to write about, but maybe some of you actually DO want to these stories.  I have to remind myself why I started this blog and it was solely for releasing words onto "paper" and processing thoughts.

I've been feeling like a boss lately, learning how to maneuver through Cambodia a little better.  The true test of survival here is getting across town with multiple items crammed on your moto.  A hook... small basket... and space at your feet can hold all kiiiiinds of things!!  Bravo, Abs.  Bravo.

I had my first official visitor, Ms. Shawn Douglas Reuss!  It was such an odd feeling, because when she was with me, I literally felt like I was at home which was priceless comfort the week she was here.  I must say, she was a trooper managing the heat, dirt and crazy moto rides.  Girl took it like a champ on the back of my moto in this chaos!  She also validated many of my struggles and life changes that I have slowly gotten used to, which made me feel not so crazy.  I think her eyes were as big as saucers when she saw where we did our laundry!  No fancy dryers here folks.

We've amped up the kids' class schedule and I'm loving getting to spend more time with them.  I can slowly see growth and change in their English which is why I'm here folks!  It did strike me funny the other day when one of the young boys was sitting there working with no shirt on.  I thought, "Hmmm... in the States... this would never be allowed to happen."  And then I remembered that it was 100 degrees outside... and our air con was barely working... and I decided there are more important things in life than making him put his shirt on while he wrote sentences.

We had a Lee team visit recently with Jake and they were a blast!  A few days some of the Lee students (and their sponsors) shared in our classes which was totally fascinating to our Khmer students.  They loved it!  I let them ask questions to the American guys and probably my most favorite question asked was to Pastor Jimmy Harper-Lee University's campus pastor.  One of the girls asked him, "What do you love most about your wife?"  Pastor Jimmy rattled on and on about everything he loves about Sharon and told them he has been married 29 years.  The whole class oo-ed and ah-ed.  Khmer need to see what it means for a grown man to love a woman and continue to love that woman even after many years.  I, too, appreciated how easily those words came for him.

I attended my second Khmer wedding last night.  It is a glorious cultural experience!  Women get DECKED OUT for weddings... all the while trying to walk steadily in heels on a dirt road surface.  I have no idea how they do it.  Also, probably what I found most enjoyable... was that when you leave the couple their monetary gift in an envelope you receive a piece of gum.  Yes.  Gum.  So clearly everyone who left with bad breath did not give a gift.  I also saw a small fan explode off the tent "ceiling" which might have been the next best thing I witnessed.

And finally, the Big 3-0 has come and gone.  Oh WAIT... it's not gone.  I am just choosing to embrace it!  I shall leave you with some words from the mastermind (ok... that's kind of a joke) of Country music-Tim McGraw.

"I think I'll take a moment, celebrate my age.  The ending of an area and the turning of a page.  Now it's time to focus in on where I go from here.  Lord have mercy on my next thirty years."