Writing in Pencil

Multiple posts could come out of this one thought so I'll try to condense it all somehow...

A few gals around town are starting a book club and our first book of choice is Cold Tangerines. I feared it might be a little cheesy, but it's actually quite fabulous. Basically, a lady writes about her life... so there's a chapter that is ME totally. Here's the paragraph that almost brought me to tears...

"I should have written in pencil. I should have viewed the trajectory of my life as a mystery or an unkown. I should have planned lightly, hypothetically, and should have used words like maybe and possibly. Instead, every chance I got, I wrote in stone and Sharpie. I stood on my future, on what I knew, on the certainty of what life would hold for me, as though it was a rock. What I know now is that instead of a rock, it's more like a magic carpet, a slippy-slidy-wiggly thing, full of equal parts play and terror. The ground beneath my feet is lurching and breaking, and making way for an entirely new thing every time I look down, surprised once again by a future I couldn't have predicted."

I must admit. My life has not panned out at all how I thought it would. I admit it has led to extreme disappointment, pain, frustration, and confusion. I planned my life in Sharpie. It seems I forgot I'm not the one in control and ultimately play a roll in God's huge plan. I should have written in pencil. I shouldn't have so clearly marked what I thought was best for me. I've had to engulf myself in serious prayer to avoid anger and bitternes, but I'm willing to start writing in pencil. I realize it's ok to go back and erase... to either allow the Lord to write it in pen or just leave it blank for now. I would be lying if I said I'm perfect at this now, because I still remind myself to use the pencil hidden in my back pocket.