Wednesday, March 31, 2010

*%^$$%^*&#*$#

I'm pretty sure hell consists of just running.

I hate it. I loathe it. I despise it. It is my absolute worst enemy.

I suppose my goals were too lofty because I literally feel as if this is the worst possible thing I've ever done.

I ventured out yesterday with 3 other people to run our 7 miles... yes, I got to about 2.5 miles and absolutely broke down in tears and ultimate pain. (which, might I add, I did my first 5K Saturday and ran the whole thing and was fine... and I've ran 6 before and was fine for that too... grrrrr...)

I HAAAAATTTTEEEEE it.

Luckily, L and C offered good moral support while B of course offered some humor.

Here are my multiple issues:

#1: My right ankle and shin are in excruciating pain. All the time... sitting or walking... pain. I get out of bed limping to the shower because it hurts so bad. My left leg is working just fine, but not my right. IBuprofen is my new best friend.

#2: I'm having severe anxiety issues over this now. I guess because it is a big goal and I'm determined to achieve it... yet, I'm absolutely terrified that I can't do it. Which I couldn't do it yesterday. The 3-5 mile range is doable but I'm terrified of anything bigger. Knowing I had to run that many yesterday, even stressed me out all day Monday and I have a hard time calming myself down. All I think about is how slow I am, how much I hurt, and how I'm dying for it to be over.

#3: After somewhat calming myself down yesterday, and then attempting to finish on the greenway, I started freaking out and couldn't breath and actually started wheezing! I've NEVER done that before but I couldn't even catch my breath and it was this horrible sound. I was just staring at C hoping I could catch my breath and then I got so scared. I calmed down, told her to go on and finish and I just walked back. I have no idea what happened to my little lungs.

So as of now, my running group is more of a therapy group which is awful for them. They are all such good friends. I would be annoyed with me.

My goal was to run the whole race, and there's no way that will happen now so my NEW goal... is to not cry in the middle of it. =)

4 comments:

Shirley said...

first of all.. the title of this post cracks me up... especially coming from you!

second, we all love you for exactly who you are and want you to be you. Nothing "voluntarily" should stress you out this much. There are too many unexpected things in life that we can't control that will give us anxiety. I love you and am so proud of all your accomplishments and the woman that you are!!

Sarah said...

Just thought I would throw out there that running is really just for leisure and if you don't find it leisurely, don't do it.
I love you.

Lisa Michelle Turner said...

oh friend! Don't get too discouraged...when I was training last time I was SHOCKED at how some days I could go with no prob. and others I could barely run. Somehow the Lord steps in and lets race day be "a good run day." :) I think it's called adrenaline. You are doing great! Don't let this discourage you!

Teddie said...

Just to be truthful I don't like running either. You should enjoy what you do, so find something you enjoy and do it. One thing about you, you are successful at about anything you want to do! I have always been amazed at your accomplishments! Love, Mom