Same Same, But Different

 The term “saving face” is used often in the Eastern world, as it is said to describe many Asian countries.  Conflict is not dealt with.  Harmony over truth often prevails so both sides can win.  It seems wrong and frustrating and us Westerners point our wiggling finger at those who choose to save face and we can’t seem to understand the good of it.

While working in Cambodia, the idea of saving face interrupts my daily life frequently.  It drives me crazy.  A quick visit across the ocean does you no good to see the depth as to which it exists, but living here and dealing with it in a work setting will make you want to pull your hair out. 

When I think of my Western upbringing and the many cultural traits we are taught through our environments, I face the frustrating issues of entitlement and pride. 

Pride has become my own personal buzz word the past few years, mainly because I truly believe the Lord was choosing to reveal things to me that I had never seen before: about myself and others.  Each time of prayer I was asking God to beat the pride out of me and often the answers to prayers such as that come with very ugly, yet necessary responses.  I was also asking God to give me wisdom in situations, specifically when dealing with others.

Pride is a toxic disease that eats us from the inside out and distorts our definition of truth.  It makes us believe things that are not true: about others and ourselves.  It twists and perverts even the Gospel.  It can make us be dishonest and encourage us to not be vulnerable with those who we love the most. 

And you know what else it does? 

It makes us save face.

We walk into church with our pretty little outfits and shiny shoes hoping to look put together when our hearts are crumbling inside.

We drive nice cars to convince everyone else we have money.

We lie and cover up personal situations because we want everyone else to think our family is whole and complete and not dysfunctional.

We overspend and rack up our credit card bills to buy the things that we think will make us happy and fill a hole in our heart, when in reality there is a much deeper root we should be dealing with. 

We gossip and slander others because we are jealous or choose not to empathize with them in their difficulties because don’t they know?  “Others have it worse than them.”  That would just be too much work.  And who wants to make that change? 

We save face. Every. Day.

Call it what you may, but the East and West are both desiring the same outcome: I don't want you to really know the truth. 

But what about those who choose to be vulnerable… and honest… and transparent?  What about those who share their personal pains and burdens and attempt not to save face?  What about those who are choosing to overcome the fear of worrying about whether or not others think they have it all together? 

What do you do with that?

You listen.  You keep your mouth shut.  You don’t judge.  And you humble yourself to allow God to give you the discernment you need to say the right things-under His authority.  If we want to destroy pride and saving face here on this earth, then we must do the part of allowing others to be honest about their difficulties without throwing them under the bus.  We become the true church community and carry each other's burdens.  We weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. No wonder people choose to save face all the time, because we never give them the opportunity to be real.

Don’t ask me to share my deepest darkest secrets with you if you intend on bashing me to others.  We have to choose vulnerability and empathy over pride.   May I repeat something we have heard so many times: Pride comes before a fall.

Watch your step.