Fixer

So I admitted several months ago on here, that I'm a blower... well, I have also realized that I'm a fixer.

I want to fix things for people. I want to help them out and improve their lives. I admit-I don't necessarily always feel this for people I don't know that well (which, I know, is selfish), but I so want to get people through that tough time or clue them in on what could help their lives. I think I can be someone's number one cheerleader!

But, I also realize this comes with a huge fault... I desire to be in control. I know I can be a little bit of a control freak, but I am learning to tame it. I want so badly to "fix" others because sometimes I think I know best, and I think my way is the best way, and I think whatever I do can fix it because I want SO BADLY for things to be better for that person. It's truly a humbling experience because I am reminded almost everytime that nothing is within my hands. I have NO true control over anything and I HATE to see that I can't help someone.

Now would be one of those times.

My mother has an unbelievably wonderful job in which she (and actually all of the family) is extra close to the people she works with. We received a phone call last night that her boss's teenage son was killed in a car accident.

I can't fix this.

There are no explanations, nothing that makes anyone feel any better, or any words that can soothe any of this siutation. It's full of "what ifs" and a true sense of anger. Nothing about it makes sense! It's just like trudging through the mud and not being able to fix anything or even get anywhere. This is when we realize how small we really are and how big HE really is. Our lives are but a small blink yet seem so huge and important to us. It doesn't matter how many times we face an extremely tough situation or have to deal with death... the yucky feeling of having no control rears its head to prove itself...yet again. Everytime, I deal with the same frustrations and feelings. It doesn't get any easier the next time. I give it up only because I really can't and shouldn't do it. It's all His.... It's in His control... and actually, in this new lingo, He's the only fixer.

This is all I kept realizing as I was laying in bed last night pondering on everything I could do to fix this. I really had no great revelation as to what to do, but just a reminder that some how our tiny lives work in such a huge plan that we CAN NOT CONTROL. We take what we have and honestly, make the absolute best of it ONLY for Him and ALWAYS for Him in every situation.

Please take a moment and pray for the Carver family, and my mother as she is trying her best to be a strong sense of support.